Spreading your Wings: Understanding Just be myself!!

For the longest time, my only experience with iDOLM@STER was the 2011 anime. Since then I’ve become much more acquainted with the franchise, but my love for it is still deeply rooted in 765PRO. Anybody who knows me knows how much I love Haruka Amami, but when it comes to characters that mean the world to me, Chihaya Kisaragi is right behind her. I relate to her a lot honestly, with her passion for what she loves and her quiet awkwardness; I love her friendship with Haruka, and her growth over the course of the anime is such a powerful experience I wish I could find the words to describe how it made me feel. So when I played Mirishita (Million Live Theater Days) and heard Just be myself!! for the first time, it honestly made me tear up. Even if I didn’t understand the words, I could feel the emotion in her voice, her inflection; it reminded me of her resounding solo when she performed Yakusoku, and her pure joy in singing Nemuri Hime. Over time it’s slowly become one of my favorite songs, and when I finally decided to venture forth and find out what Chihaya was truly trying to convey, I came to love this song all the more. Because that love is directly related to why The iDOLM@STER is so important to me in the first place.

(Try away by wanting to do)
(Is I can make it happen)
(You got my dream, just go for me)

How much I clenched my teeth yesterday defines what I am
I pretend to forget my tears
The phrases that are trite, the words of love that I'm tired of hearing
I don't need that same dream

The song begins with an upbeat declaration, one that shouts, “I’m going to be the person I’ve always wanted to be!” Then she goes on to think about how far she's come. She’s reflecting on the person she once was, somebody who lived every single day of her life for the sake of someone else: her brother, Yuu. When she’s first introduced in the anime, it’s during an audition which she fails, because she doesn’t seem to be putting her whole self in the performance. When Producer asks why she wants to be an idol, she says that it’s because she “has to sing.” The reason she sings is because she wants to make her brother happy, even though he’s long gone. It’s her way of atonement, the only way she could ever hope to make up for Yuu’s death, which she's never stopped blaming herself for. Every day for Chihaya was full of loneliness and pain, but she endures it; after all, it’s what she thinks she deserves. To her, everything was just empty. She doesn’t understand how the other idols have so much fun when they perform. It feels almost superficial to her.

The phrases that are trite, the words of love that I’m tired of hearing.

I don’t need that same dream.

What does my chest, clouded by sighs, show

My everyday life is stuck in infinite loops

I'm sure I'm breaking out of one today

Even if she’s grown since those days, she still doubts herself, and her ability to embrace who she is. While her decision to perform Nemuri Hime as an acapella is driven by her appreciation for her fellow idols who supported her, she’s scared; she’s awkward, and shy, and she doesn’t feel like she knows the others that well. Haruka is the one who gives her the courage to speak up. Even after all that’s happened, she isn’t confident she can reach her dream.

Just be myself!! I want to believe
The courage to feel my way and my true self
Go towards tomorrow with full force, when I get a step closer to the dream
I'm going to be who I want to be

The chorus is another declaration, this time a resounding one. Despite her doubts, she’s going to move forward towards her dream. But she feels that doubt.

How far can this voice travel? My wish lies at the end of the cobalt

Let the melody just for me resonate with it

Hello and goodbye that don't reach anyone

I wish I could live my life smiling better

Again, Chihaya moves from confidence to a lack thereof. She declares that even if her wish is behind a near unbreakable barrier, she’s going to get through it, with a melody all her own. But she suddenly shifts, and begins worrying that her voice doesn’t reach anyone, that she doesn’t smile enough. Then in the next verse, she calls to mind one of her most treasured memories:

The day we clashed, the meaning hidden in those words of yours

Now that I've come this far

I get it all

This verse is the reason why Just be myself!! Is so important to me, because Yakusoku is important to me. One of the most powerful scenes in the anime paired with a song full of emotion.

Yakusoku, the song written by the idols of 765PRO for their Blue Bird, a song which contains her requited love and appreciation for her friends, a song about moving forward in spite of everything, because the people who care about you are standing there right beside you. And when she sings the chorus a second time, it’s full of her love and passion, not just her love of singing, but her love for her friends as well.

Just be myself!! I want to perform

These ordinary miracles and my best self

The dream's evolved extraordinarily

Be who I want to be

She’s gone from wanting to try to wanting to act. She’s not just going to reach her dream, she’s going to surpass it. She’s going to be the person she’s always wanted to be, an idol full of joy who can proudly stand alongside the people who mean so much to her. The next verse is more rapid, like an explosion of feeling that can’t be contained, it has to be set free.

Like in a dress forced on me

This heart is shouting that it feels suffocating

I'll throw off decorations, lies and even hesitation

And shine beautifully and strongly in this world

From now on, nothing is going to stop her from accomplishing her dream, and the final chorus is the perfect encapsulation of that, a mark of how far she’s come not just as a person, but over the course of the song itself.

Just be myself!! I want to embrace

That awaited future and my ultimate self

Now that I've discovered the answer

I'll go with my true self

Forever and ever

Just be myself!!

Just be myself!! Is a perfect song for Chihaya. It holds her feelings, her worries, her memories, and her strength. It’s a declaration of who she is, a heartfelt expression of Chihaya Kisaragi. It’s her way of saying that she’s done letting pain and doubt hold her back, that she was able to come this far because of her friends, and she’s going to show them just how great her passion really is. 

Happy Birthday Chihaya, seeing you move forward and overcome your weakness has had such a profound impact on me that I want to embrace who I am as well, so that I can show my friends how grateful I am for helping me discover myself. Your deep love for singing and your fellow idols always shines through, thank you so much for everything. Don’t ever stop being who you are!

#如月千早生誕祭2021